Girl T-Rex

My first memory ever was the day my baby brother was born, so it seems appropriate that we tell that story from my perspective to make it all about me. I was two and a half years old, and barely sentient. My parents dropped me off at their friend's house while they rushed off to the hospital to make me not an only child anymore. I think Mom's friend's name was Susan or something. She was my godmother, which meant she was one of my parents' drinking buddies in college. "Susan" had three sons, and I was close in age to the middle one.

My first memory was wishing my parents had dropped me off at a place with girls. That seems slightly foreshadowing of the militant guerrilla feminist I grew up to be. (Please note this is different than a gorilla feminist, which I don't think I like being called. (My friend Jen says my armpit hair is cute.))

I brought MY dinosaur toys from home over to these hooligans house. It's important to reiterate that these were my dinosaur toys; they belonged to me. At one point during the playdate I said I wanted to be the T-Rex because they were my toys.

The boy closest to my age- I think his name was Tristan; he fucking acted like a Tristan anyway when he was three- told me, "No, girls can't be T-Rexes. All T-Rexes are boys. You can be the brontosaurus."
And that was the first time I met a sexist.
"How can all T-Rexes be boys?" I said.
"Because they're big and scary and they eat the other ones." (Looking back this might also be when my vegetarianism was born.)
"You're a boy and you're not big and scary and you don't eat dinosaurs."
"Yes I am. I am bigger and scarier than you."
"There can't be only boys of anything," said the older one. "Remember Noah's Arc?"
"What's that?" I said.
The older one replied, "In Noah's Arc they have to have one boy and one girl of each animal to make baby animals."
Bow chicka wow wow.
I thought about this for a second. "Is that how the unicorns died? There weren't enough boy unicorns for all the girl unicorns so no babies happened?"
"Yes."

Several hours and graham crackers later, my parents came to pick me up, with tiny baby David in their arms. He was a little bigger than my baby dolls and wrapped in a white blanket. His eyes were scrunched up closed. I loved him instantly, let's say. I could say I was a tad jealous of all of the attention he got, and I kinda didn't see what the big hoopolo was all about since all he did was sleep and suck on Mom's breasts. But really, my first friend was born that day, and he still is my best friend today. I like him slightly better now that he poops in a toilet and can drink.

Mom was crying, "Now we have a boy and a girl. Just like we wanted."

I screamed, "WHAT!"